Box of Chocolates

Lolah's Guide to Internet Dating for the Ladies

I am an internet dater and there ain't no shame. Online dating gives you access to quadruple the amount of potential dates than you would run across in the grocery store or gas station. Anytime I'm kinda bored, I can just go online and chat with someone for a few days and boom, I have a date lined up for Saturday night. I am lucky because I haven't had any dates from hell, but with the increased number of dates you get, you are bound to get a few duds. Either way, dating is like getting one of those huge five pound boxes of chocolates. There are lots of pieces to choose from, but only a few of which you like after taking a bite and figuring out what's inside. There are some things that I have learned in my dating quests, so I want to share those morsels of wisdom with you. So if you're ready to give internet dating a try keep an open mind and get online.

1. Be Smart &Safe. This is the most important thing to remember. Do not let a date know where you live from the start. If you decide to meet, do so in a public place such as a bookstore or coffee shop. Drive your own car and meet at a reasonable time, daylight works best for an initial meeting. Let friends or family know that you are going to meet someone and give them as much information as you have. I have even met someone and taken a picture of their license plate with my phone and sent it to a friend. Also, give your friend a call when the date is over so you are accounted for. And with identity theft on the rise, do not ever give out personal information like your SSN# or credit card information.
   

   
   

2. Google is your friend. Type your new chat buddy's name into the search engine and see what comes up. I did this once and the guys name popped up in a wedding page announcing his engagement and telling me where the couple was registered for the pending nuptials. Another friend of mine did a search and the man came up in the registered sex offenders' database. Some states now have their public records online so you can find marriage licenses, warrants, and pending court date info. And ladies, you may want to type your own name in and see what comes up too…
   

   
   

3. Be unique. When creating your profile, say something interesting and be concise. Tell them what you did this weekend or how you had a blast on your vacation to Europe. Nobody will read an essay on your life story that looks too long. 95% of men are visual and will only look at your picture and not read what you have to say anyway. The other 5% that take the time to read are genuinely interested in your mind…maybe.
   

   
   

4. Keep the pictures up to date. Do not post our high school picture where you were 50 pounds smaller. Your feelings will be hurt if you have talked to this guy and arranged a meeting only to have him drive off without a trace once you get your big lying ass out of the car. People like all kinds, no matter how you look someone can appreciate it so be honest. A clear close up shot of your face along with a shot that captures your whole body works best. No picture at all will get few responses.
   

5. Modest and tasteful go a long way. If you are seriously looking for someone who isn't just interested in your physical attributes, then you shouldn't post the picture that your ex took of you in that red teddy on Valentine's day. Yes you will get plenty of hits and loads of messages. But I guarantee you they will be from the types of pervs that will want to come to your house tonight and get a little sweet thing without passing go or collecting the 200 bucks. Some sites screen your pictures first and will not let you post anything showing nips anyway.
   

   
   

6. No pic, no click. Pictures are important. Do not respond to men that do not have pictures of themselves posted. No matter how well his profile reads, no picture is a cause to be suspicious. Now if he has only been a member of the site for a week, you can request that he post a picture (don't fall for the "I will send you one on your phone" line.) If he has been a member of Match.com since 2004 and still doesn't have a picture, he is definitely hiding something. He probably looks like Jabba the Hut or doesn't want anyone he knows to know he has a profile out there.
   

   Along with that, look at the clues the pictures give you. If he has 37 pictures of himself flexing with his shirt off, he is probably really into himself and may be self centered. Think about it. If all the pics look like they were family portraits that he cropped, or there's a woman's hand on his shoulder but the person is cropped out, what could that mean? If all of his pics are in front of those airbrushed club backdrops, what does that tell you? If he only had group shots of him and his homeboys, can that tell you something? Of course it may not mean anything definite, but keep your eyes open.
   

   
   

7. Read his profile. Though the picture is important, read what he had to say. Men do tend to be a little less wordy than women, but look for originality. Profiles that say genuine things that give you insight to the person are better than the old stale lines. Some things like "I have a passion for coaching pee wee football" or "I really enjoy going to the lounges and listening to live jazz" sound genuine. Statements like "I like to take walks in the park", or "I like romantic candle lit dinners" do not. I have been on lots of dates and have not once even driven past a park, much less actually gotten out and walked in one. And candle lit dinners…Please.
   

   
   

8. Meet sooner than later. You should talk by chat, email and phone before you meet. It's easier to lie in writing and hearing the voice can tell you a lot, but don't underestimate the one on one meeting. You can waste a lot of time talking to someone and falling in love with their phone persona, only to discover there's no chemistry or attraction in person. Much worse is if you meet and find out that it was their cousin's picture that they had posted.
   

   
   

9. Be wary of long distance. I agree that the internet makes the world smaller, but it also makes it easier to live a double life. Some men are looking for someone in another state so that when they visit you they eliminate the worry of bumping into someone they know like their wife and kids. It is true that love knows no bounds, but neither does lying, cheating or just plain old doggishness. If you do find the man of your dreams and in Cali and you are in Florida, let him come to your city first. That way he is on your turf and you know the surroundings. Plus you have access to your friends and family if something happens. Most definitely, he should stay in a hotel, not your house.
   

   
   

10. Questions and context clues. Ask loads of questions. Some may seem obvious, but ask anyway. Are you married? How many children do you have? Are you legally employed full time? Do you live alone? What are you looking for on this site? Most men will at least tell you what they are looking for. If you are looking for a hubby and he says he is just looking to meet new friends to have fun with, there probably won't be wedding bells in your future.
    

    
    

11. Don't be afraid to make a small investment. You don't have to break the bank either. Free sites like PlentyofFish.com have lots of great search and screening features. Sites like BlackPeopleMeet.com charge a monthly fee. I have met people on both types of sites, but I have had better dates on the pay sites. It seems that people that are willing to pay a little money are a little more serious about really meeting someone.
    

    
    

Now ladies you are armed with the tools to take on a new adventure in the world of online dating. Look at it as expanding your horizons and removing the barriers to letting love find you. If nothing else, it can be fun, or you may just meet the man of your dreams. I know a few people that have met their spouse online. Have a positive attitude.

Like Forrest Gump said, with this box of chocolates "You never know what you're gonna get."