The Incredible Edible…Rotten Egg?

Why Do Women Love Bad Boys?

It may be a guy that has done his share of jail time like NFL star Michael Vick or rapper T.I. It may just be a fictional character like 'Stringer' played by Idris Elba on "The Wire" or mob boss Tony Soprano. He could be a reformed drug addict that's now playing the newest super hero "Iron Man " Robert Downy Jr. It doesn't matter what they have done, we still love them. Yes, what I'm talking about here is how we women love the "Bad Boys".

The question was posed to me while I was out to lunch with a gaggle of lovable "Good Guys". The answer tumbled effortlessly from my lips without pause. "Bad Boys know how to put it down in the bedroom. I want somebody that can turn his hat to the back and keep the work boots on while he turns me out" I said with a grin. Of course they argued with me, each man with a smirk on his lips ready to defend his own sexual prowess. Really, I do know that this is a blanket statement, but this is the perception that many women have. I challenged them to go take a survey asking women about the guy that gave them best sex they had ever had. I would bet my shoe fund money that the majority of women's answers will not be that it was Milton from IT. Most likely it was Milton's younger brother Malik that never had any recordable income and has a tattoo on his neck. He thought dressing up meant putting on a clean wife beater (white undershirt), and is now in the state pen. Malik, or any guy like him, could have a woman strung out for weeks, months, or even years before they realized he was no good. Out of the dozens of men out there, why are women lusting and foaming at the mouth for these rotten eggs?

I did a quick little survey of the chicks I know and got a common answer. I hate to give credence to what is now a very common and over used word, especially in the hip hop community, but almost all of them said that it's all about SWAGGER. This is not a new term, but it has been modified to get the definition that we know today. Here is the classic definition from Merriam Webster's online dictionary:

Swagger

Date: circa 1596

1 : to conduct oneself in an arrogant or superciliously pompous manner; especially : to walk with an air of overbearing self-confidence

2 : BOAST, BRAG- to force by argument or threat : BULLY

And more recently From the Urban Dictionary:

Swagger - to move with confidence. How one presents him or herself to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can be shown in the person's walk, talk and or dress.

See, that Bad boy that you run across does not have any problem approaching you at a bar and buying you and your friend drinks when other Good Guys are standing around waiting for women to approach them. The Bad Boy loves being the aggressor. He is usually the one that is willing to pursue you with the most vigor. You have no doubt that it is you that he wants. He expects you fall for him because he is attractive or powerfully built. They don't expect you to be hung up on what their job is or what college they attended because this is about pure male virility. Bad boys have what is perceived as confidence, self- assuredness, as some would say they possess the big "cahones".

A bad boy will let everyone on the block know that you are his girl, his main woman, his bitch; and the other dudes better not mess with you. Some of us secretly smile inside to think we may be the Bonnie to his Clyde. The Bad boy will tell you he will steal and kill for you because you are his to protect. He may even be jealous and possessive, but deep down, you think that means he loves you. He will stand up for you just as he doesn't let anybody talk down to him. He may be the hardest of his homeboys but can somewhat let his guard down with you. Like MC. Lyte said it a decade ago:

Evil grin with a mouth full of gold teeth
Startin' beef is how he spells relief
Actin' like he don't care
When all I gotta do is beep him 911 and he'll be there
Right by my side with his ruffneck tactics…
…I need him and I want him so I gotta get a ruffneck!

~from the song Ruffneck by M.C. Lyte

Let's look at history. Maybe it stems from prehistoric times, before men were separated into classes based on money or education and animal instinct ruled our actions. I'm speaking of the times where the alpha male was the leader of the tribe and he got first dibs on the food, the land and most importantly the women. He chose which woman would be the lucky vessel to carry his seed and pass his genes on to the next generation. If another man wanted to take his place as the head, they would fight to the death to be the leader. This meant that alpha male was usually the biggest, baddest mutha-(shut yo' mouth) in the tribe. He had to protect the women, lead the tribe to the best food sources and challenge any other male that had a problem with it. And the women, they were falling all over themselves to get knocked over the head and drug by their hair for just the opportunity to carry that caveman's babies. There you go…the Neanderthal man was the first ruffneck: the first bad boy.

Every woman loves the feeling of knowing that her man is respected, envied, or even feared by others? What woman wouldn't fall in love with being loved that fiercely? So it seems that the answer to the question, what it boils down to, is the passion. It just feels so good when that Bad Boy turns all of his charm and attention on you and you get to be by his side. He is passionate about you, his family, his friends and his territory. It's so exciting, you feel daring and spontaneous. Yeah as we grow wiser from experience, we know that the volatile relationship that comes along with being with a Bad Boy isn't what is good for us in the long run. But we all still can remember the fun times that we had with that "Hood Figga".

I guess sometimes, we fail to realize that when it comes to bad boys, those same things that attract us will eventually turn us away. "Oh gir,l RayRay is so spontaneous and unpredictable. I don't ever know what we are going to do from one day to the next. I just love it" will eventually turn into "Girl, old sorry behind RayRay has stood me up again and left me here with these kids. He is so unreliable and unpredicatlbe that I can't depend on him to be here." Yeah he will get his hustle on, but that third time you have to put your house up to bail him out of jail, it may not seem so endearing.

We do realize that the traits that we want in the bad boys can be had in any good man. As mature women, we are trying to find that Good Guy that has a little edge or some ruffneck tendencies in him. We want one that will love us fiercely without all of the drama. We want the guy that will still kill for us and the babies if he has too, but that can also cover that tattoo on his chest with a button down shirt and take his bad ass into the office on that legal hustle. No you may not get the dope boy attitude, but there is the real man out there that is willing to get his daily hustle on to take care of you. There is the man that may be wearing those khaki pant and hard bottom shoes and still let the guys know that they better not try to infringe on his territory. The difference is, he may call you his wifey, or his lady or his woman but he won't call you his bitch because he has more respect for you than that.

So that "lame" guy that's been in love with you for the past three years may not look like your favorite gangsta rapper or rocker bad boy, but maybe you can give him a chance to show you what he's all about. He just might surprise you. Milton from IT may just want to invite you over to show you his gun collection. That passion that you are looking for may be hidden behind that tie and those glasses. Like those good guys said, they can hold their own in the bedroom too.

As for the bad eggs, it may be fun having them around for a while, but eventually they will stink up the place and you will have to get rid them. Besides, good eggs make much better omelets.