Snack Cakes

What Kind of Woman Are You?

Over my dating career I have been on plenty of dates with guys that have forced me to ask the question "What kind of woman does he think I am?"  Men get different perceptions of us that stem from how we carry ourselves, how we dress, and mainly what we let them get away with. A friend of mine that always has some advice to offer about dating talked about women in the sense of snack cakes. He had me giggling uncontrollably at his analogies but as I pondered this over some months, I realized that he was on to something. So I came up with my own little version of the Snack Cake scenario. Can you figure out which tasty snack cake you are?

Ho-Hos
You may know this category in today's terminology to be the "jump off". Men have come to see you as the "good time" girl. Many of us have been in this category at one time or another by choice, but more often than not we got put there without a chance to be otherwise. You may be the type of woman that sees men as sex objects, much like" Samantha on Sex In the City". You may choose to have detached trysts that don't require emotional involvement or any type of commitment from either party. In this case, in the word of Tupac, "I Aint Mad Atcha." Unfortunately, this category is also filled with reluctant nominees that can't seem to figure out why they are there. Guys have told me that there are many things that will quickly get you dropped into this category. Slutty outfits, un-lady like loudness and attention seeking, excessive public stumbling drunkenness… I could go on and on. You may seeking love from a man but only know how to form superficial bonds through physical contact. You look for love in the wrong places like night clubs or bars.

That guy you are seeing knows that you are so thirsty for his attention that you will allow him to stop by and hit it after the strip club has closed and he didn't any action in the champagne room. He knows he doesn't have to take you out in public or introduce you to friends and certainly not family. He probably doesn't know much about you and doesn't let you get too close. When he is with you, you're high on love, but the minute he walks out the door, loneliness sets in because deep down you know the closeness was fleeting. If this is you, I'm sorry, you're probably a "Ho-Ho" and the only way to change this is to examine your self worth and figure out how to raise your standards. It's damn near impossible to change your standing with a man once he's pegged you, but you can always start with a clean slate with the next one.

Ding Dongs
This category  is the easiest one to be in and the hardest to identify that you have fallen into. You could be in this status for years and never know your classification. You have this guy that doesn't really treat you like a "Ho-Ho". He can actually like spending time with you, but he's probably told you in the beginning that he isn't looking for a long term relationship. He's just looking for someone to kick it with. You, being ever so hopeful, accepts this, thinking you will convince him you are commitment worthy. He eats the dinners you cook, takes you out  and even spends the night and the two of you have a really good time, but something is missing. You may meet his friends or family but he introduces you something like "This is my friend Tina." You really thought you were more than friends, but you keep quiet because you are convinced that he'll come around. You suspect that he's seeing someone and ask the hard question. "Where does our relationship stand? He doesn't lie, he may even tell you about the other woman and describe her as just a friend… the same way he probably describes you when he's talking at her. He then says "I thought you understood that I didn't want a serious relationship. I'm not ready to settle down yet, I told you that when we first met. You are devastated and can't even say anything because he's right, he told you this in the beginning.

You see, you were the maintenance woman. You helped him get through a drought; he got all the milk from the cow for free.  Hell, he never promised to purchase it anyway. This is what a guy told me, women end up in this category when they just aren't smart to call a man on his bullshit which is why the "Ding Dong" title fits. There is hope for you because you are a marriage material in the making. Just listen to what a man tells you. If he's not looking for commitment and you are, move on to someone that will see you as a Honey Bun.

Honey Buns
If you are a honey bun, you are definitely giving off the wifey vibe to almost everyman you meet. Men don't even try you with that nonsense that they shoot the Ho-hos and Dingdongs, and if they do, they only have one time to get away with it. Guys told me that the way a woman dresses in a classy way, or the way that she can be low key in a group setting makes a woman bride worthy. An old flame of mine expressed  that the key to being marriable is to be nurturing. Nurture means to care for, offer protection or encourage to flourish. In that sense, nurturing may mean different things to different men.  For one that may mean cooking dinner, while for another that may just mean having his back through the good and the bad.

 Men always claim that they are simple creatures and a lot of times I disagree because they are an enigma to us women. Let me just tell you though, that when I posed the question of what makes a woman wifey material to more than one of my male counterparts, I received the simplest of answers. The married men said things like, "she stood by me when I lost my job" or "well we mostly got along and didn't argue that much for three years so I figured I could be married to her". I even had my BGF (Best Guy Friend) tell me that what made him see that his wife was the one was when they were at a family function, she fixed him a plate of food and brought it to him. Maybe we women over think things and try to manipulate a man into marrying us, but it seem s that the truth is that it will be some of the smallest and simplest things that we do for our guys that will endear us to them.

Women hold all of the cards when it comes to how a man perceives us.  Don't let the men determine which category in which you will go, take control of the situation.  The good thing about being a snack cake is that it's very simple to change the packaging that you present to the world once you have the right sweet filling on the inside.